#41
A small two-seater Cessna
152 plane
crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central
Poland. Polish
search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far
and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the
evening.
#42
A military cargo plane, flying over a

populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot
tries
to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy.
So he
yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the
plane
lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts
the pilot. So
they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again. They
heave out a
missile, and the pilot regains control.

He pulls
out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into
a jeep
and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the
road
who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol

hit me on the head!"

They drive more and meet another boy who's
crying even harder. Again
they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle
hit me on the head!"

They apologize and keep driving. They meet a
boy on the sidewalk who's
laughing hysterically. They ask h
im, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy
replies, "I sneezed and a
house blew up!"
#43
As migration approached, two elderly vultures

doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by

airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant
noticed that they were
carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check
the raccoons through
as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks,"
replied the vultures. "They're carrion."
#44
Pilot: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student
pilot, I am out of
fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce
airspeed to best glide!! Do you
have the airfield in
sight?!?!!"
Pilot: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where

the fuel truck is."
#45
USAir recently introduced a special
half
fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips.

Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to

all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking
how
they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking,
"What
trip?"
#46
"Should the cabin
lose pressure, oxygen
masks will drop from the overhead area. Please
place the bag over
your own mouth and nose before assisting children or
other adults
acting like children."
#47
Tower: Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft

declaring emergency about two hours ago ?
Pilot: Negativ, Sir.
It's only the same pilot.
#48
Tower: What's your heigth and
position?
Pilot: Well, I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.
#49
Tower: Cannot read you, say again!
Pilot:
Again!
#50
Tower:
Mission triple-three, do you have
problems?
Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.
Tower: Judging
the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument
panel..
#51
Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're
number one,
check for workers on the taxiway.
Pilot: Roger ..... We've
checked, they're all working.
#52
Pilot: Tower, there's a runway light
burning.
Tower: I'm sure there must be dozens of lights
burning.
Pilot: Sorry, I mean it's smoking.
#53
LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check

Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.
#54
Tower:
Have you got enough fuel or
not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!
#55
Tower: Shamu two-two, please
state
estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday
would be nice...
#56
Pilot: Tower, please call me
a fuel
truck.
Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.
#57
How many pilots does it take to change a
light
bulb?
None, it is done by the automatic pilot.
#58
A man walks up to the
counter at the
airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent.

"I want a round trip
ticket," says the man.

"Where to?" asks the agent.

"Right
back to here."
#59
A man telephoned an airline office in New
York
and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?"
The clerk
said, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the man said and hung up.
#60
Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student
pilot, I am out of
fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce
airspeed to best glide!! Do you
have the airfield in
sight?!?!!"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where

the fuel truck is."