The accountant had just read the story of
Cinderella to his
four-year-old daughter for the first time. The
little girl was fascinated
by the story, especially the part where the
pumpkin turns into a golden
coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy,
when the pumpkin turned into a
golden coach, would that be classed
as income or a long-term capital
A Martian lands to plunder,
burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and
"I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy.
We're here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you
think about that?"
The owner replies, "I don't have an
opinion. I'm a chartered
A businessman hires a private detective to
find a missing
The detective tells him that he needs
a description and asks a few
"Was he tall or was he
The businessman replies, "Both!"
A businessman tells his friend that his
company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, "Didn't
your company hire a new accountant a few
businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking
What's a shy and retiring
An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's
Who was the first accountant?
got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the
entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly
and raised the first liability.
1. Trial balances
2. Bank reconciliations never do
3. Working Capital does
4. Return on Investments never will
How many cost accountants does it
to change a light bulb?
Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and
get back to you
How many auditors does it take to change a
How many did it take last year?
Why did he cross back?
So he could charge
the client for travel expenses.
Why did the auditor cross the
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last
What does FCPA stand for?
Pinching the Assets
What does CPA stand for?
What would Economics be without
How do you know when an
He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.
Why do accountants get excited on
They can wear casual clothes to work
accountants laugh out
When somebody asks for a raise
How can you tell when the Chief Accountant
is getting soft?
When he actually listens to Marketing before saying
What do you call an accountant without a
There are three kinds of
Those who can count and those who can't.