#21
The accountant had just read the story of
Cinderella to his
four-year-old daughter for the first time. The
little girl was fascinated
by the story, especially the part where the
pumpkin turns into a golden
coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy,
when the pumpkin turned into a
golden coach, would that be classed
as income or a long-term capital
gain?"
#22
A Martian lands to plunder,
pillage and
burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and
says,
"I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy.

We're here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you

think about that?"

The owner replies, "I don't have an
opinion. I'm a chartered
accountant."
#23
A businessman hires a private detective to
find a missing
accountant.
The detective tells him that he needs
a description and asks a few
questions.
"Was he tall or was he
short?"
The businessman replies, "Both!"
#24
A businessman tells his friend that his

company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, "Didn't
your company hire a new accountant a few
weeks ago?"
The
businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking
for."
#25
What's a shy and retiring

accountant?
An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's

retiring.
#26
Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He
got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the
first
entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly
accounts
and raised the first liability.
#27
Laws of
Accounting
1. Trial balances
don't
2. Bank reconciliations never do
3. Working Capital does
not
4. Return on Investments never will
#28
How many cost accountants does it
take
to change a light bulb?
Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and
get back to you
#29
How many auditors does it take to change a

light bulb?
How many did it take last year?
#30
Why did he cross back?
So he could charge
the client for travel expenses.
#31
Why did the auditor cross the

road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last

year.
#32
What does FCPA stand for?
Finally Caught
Pinching the Assets
#33
What does CPA stand for?
Can't Produce
Anything
#34
What would Economics be without
assumptions?
Accounting
#35
How do you know when an
accountant's on
holidays?
He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.
#36
Why do accountants get excited on

Saturdays?
They can wear casual clothes to work
#37
When do
accountants laugh out
loud?
When somebody asks for a raise
#38
How can you tell when the Chief Accountant
is getting soft?
When he actually listens to Marketing before saying
No
#39
What do you call an accountant without a

spreadsheet?
Lost
#40
There are three kinds of
accountants in
the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.